


Om mani padme hum

by Kanae_michahive



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Based on Tokyo Ghoul: Re 169, Character Study, Everything is subtle but it's there, Heavy Angst, I'm just following what Ishida gave us but with a bit more of confirmation, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, Implied Violence, M/M, Renji is rightfully hurt because Uta is Uta after all, Uta is hurt and an idiot, but honestly UtaRen is so canon, i wrote this a year ago
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 07:36:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19459384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanae_michahive/pseuds/Kanae_michahive
Summary: Is the final act about to begin or not? Uta doesn’t know, nor does his crow. In fact, his stained look of resentment vanishes, to give a pass to surprise. Uta's last wish for being rational and a bit sincere, allows him to declare himself. The impetus of his voice, distorted by the transformation into kakuja, is inevitable.“Make me feel alive, Renji.”Uta sees a chance to let himself go and takes it.





	Om mani padme hum

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written in spanish a year ago and I wanted to share this here in english. I'm still new with translation so therefore, I apologize for the possible mistakes in grammatical errors. I'll take advices if you feel like it to give them to me, i would've appreciate it a lot. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this, thanks for reading!

_“I can live neither with you...”_

My dear and misunderstood white crow.

* * *

.

The remembrance of past always solidifies in the purity of certain wings. Lacerated, but strong. Simple, but unforgettable. Comforting, but unattainable.

_That’s so funny!_

To a certain degree, it’s the undeniable true. He still remembers the _precious_ days when they have spent their time sharing sweat, flesh and blood. All those times when his crow has provoked him with such jovial fury, struggling to survive in a world that doesn’t love any other species than humans.

Renji, not caring about the amount of feathers he has lost in the road, has been given the best of himself in order to achieve some revenge—long forgotten by now—. At that time, it used to be as beautiful as interesting (it still is.) A lonely scavenger bird that has fought the necessary. A beautiful lotus clinging to the muddy water. Uta has been wanting to pluck it from the root, feel it carefully to confirm if it is as _warm_ as it looks.

He probably would have, if it hasn’t been for the appearance of Yoshimura.

.  
  
However, it’s also true that he couldn’t—still can’t—at all. Why? Actually, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t understand it—or maybe he does—and believes he _never will_ —or he already acknowledges it as fact—. _It’s not that easy._ The euphoria insists on him to celebrate in his own clownery way:

_Tear up his heart and eat it with kindness._

But if he’s _kinda_ honest, all he wants to do is drink from the familiar blood of those cracked lips.

_Savor the heat (it will be the only time you really will.)_

His inked skin shudders as he remembers each encounter, surrounded by those bright wings, contrasting so nicely with his tainted and impure soul. Trapped between pleasant teeth that know the weakest corners of his decorated temple. It has been a significant time since then... but Uta’s memories are intact.

_Show him how happy you are, then laugh at his expression._

How to forget the first night, when he had the real opportunity to _taste_ such a precious specimen?

_Tell him you feel sorry and then ... laugh louder. Yes, laugh until the end._

How could he forget that, in the end, he didn’t and preferred to bathe in his gentle and aquatic aroma?

_(Laugh to not cry.)_

He wishes he could show Yomo that he hasn’t forgotten anything of what they’ve shared. If only their monstrous skins wouldn’t regenerate so fast to boast scars. _It would have been perfect._

_(Laugh until you are satisfied with his hatred.)_

Uta has never been considered himself as possessive. Nevertheless, everytime he’s appreciating the intact kagune of his crow, the sporadic anger inside his chest is hard to ignore.

_(Laugh not to cry.)_

That's why he **hates** intimate relationships in the first place.

_Laugh until you cannot do it anymore. (And die with him.)_

Succumbing to temptation is difficult when it comes to Renji.

_Ahahaha, to die for him?_

_._

“Don’t go yet. If you do, I'll have to eat you.”

That's what Uta tells Renji on their first night. The sheets have dried blood and fresh fluids. A violent evidence of that awe-inspiring force that characterizes their relationship. With none of them willing to give in completely, even after the appearance of the desired orgasm. A penetrating smell floods the room installed inside the local of masks. A smell that is quite ideal for the physical and mental state of both.

_Ahahaha, yes... Isn’t it funny?_

The thin layer of reddish spots adheres to Uta’s tattoos in a perplexing way. It takes so little of a short time before they disappear and, to the disbelief of the artist, he doesn’t mind the act when the thin tongue of the crow around his neck, starts to trace the greek letters with a torturous serenity, worshiping in silence the not so secret meaning of it.

“Nec possum tecum vivere, nec sine te,” Renji sighs, barely audible. Almost unconscious.

Uta manages to listen him astonished, there’s no need to hear it for a second time, and without really wanting to—or so he tries to believe that—, acts quickly by taking the ghoul of greater volume between his arms, covering as much flesh as possible. His hands move on their own, placing themselves on top of that massive back to caress what remains of the marks caused by his black nails. The body trembles lightly, however, it’s quickly distracted by the planting kisses on Renji's neck. Now the artist’s marveling at the dormant pulse of Renji’s stabilized heart. And it's there, _right there_ , where he can taste a bit of the watery heat. He captures it as delicious, soft and gentle...

_Ahahaha, enough. It's enough._

It lasts a fraction of second, but he doesn’t want to do it any longer because it’s dangerous _. I don’t want to **defoliate** you **yet** , Renji. Today is not the day._

Instead of give into his dark impulses, he returns to search for the mouth of his crow, who receives it with a strong grunt, before returning the not-so-considered bites of the artist. Uta cannot help but laugh at it, and Yomo watches him without releasing the slippery piercing of his lower lip. He presents it as a subtle threat, but is quickly removed in a matter of seconds.

“Come on Renji-kun, you can tear my tongue out. I won’t be angry,” Uta’s free lips exclaim playfully. If only the crow was in the mood for his games…

It’s not surprising that, without proper consent, Renji decides to silence him with more bloody kisses. Uta accepts without a protest or a soft laugh. He accepts it, not without first whispering the significant mantra, so radiant in those moments thanks to the heated and mixed spittle:

“ _Nec possum tecum vivere, nec sine te_ , Renji-kun.”

Uta doesn’t know why he says it. The only thing for sure is Itori bursting into guffaws after she finds out.

.

_Ahahaha,_

_Isn't funny?_

“Not funny ... None of this shit is fun. You are my friend," Renji says with a ragged breath.

The wasted blood, spilled in more than one area, almost make Uta feel guilty. The tone of his crow is so reckless. It almost reflects how upset he is. Although, the curious noun in the syntax of said manifestation is, without doubt, the current center of Uta’s attention.

_Friend?_

His lips transform into a curving smile. The amusement bubbles with authentic genuineness, and the stimulation of it, feels overwhelming.

_Ah, Renji..._

_Did you just say **friend**?_

The crow observes him then, and Uta allows that feeling that he so longed wanted to show from the very beginning. Undeniable and clear. The artist savors it slowly, palpates it with desperate hands. His fingernails fit tightly into the delicate structure of the strangulating, most blind and incomprehensible sentimentality, makes him unsure about his next move.

Suddenly Renji looks beautiful by allowing himself to _feel_ ; by showing how sincere and direct it is. A vision of sudden colors that predominate in the wings of his good intentions. He’s hurt and his petals almost crawl on the ground, they are drowning with the absence of water, and they are withering. _Thanks to me_.

_Ahahaha, ahahaha. I'm so happy!_

“Aaaaaah ... I'm so happy we're friends, Renji!”

( **Laugh to not cry.** )

The whole scenario transforms with the opportunity of infinite bliss.

Is the final act about to begin or not? Uta doesn’t know, nor does his crow. In fact, his stained look of resentment vanishes, to give a pass to surprise. Uta's last wish for being rational and a bit sincere, allows him to declare himself. The impetus of his voice, distorted by the transformation into kakuja, is inevitable.

“Make me feel alive, Renji.”

_Don’t worry, I won’t waste anything that comes from you. Not even the feathered seeds_.

.

* * *

_"...nor without you."_

_._

_._

**Author's Note:**

> "Om mani padme hum" is a mantra of Buddhism, usually translated to "the jewel in the lotus" to evoke and venerate the act of compassion.


End file.
